Squirting a lemon in your eyes

After complaining about my own communication style to a friend, she wrote to me to say "You know that phrase 'when given lemons you make lemonade'?" She said that when I'm given lemons, I don't try to make lemonade, instead, "I cut them in half and squirt the juice in other people's eyes." I couldn't help but think this was a brilliant observation of me. I still laugh at the thought today. It's only funny because it's so regrettably true.

Sometimes I feel like an Ogre:

I am Ogre

Sometimes you have to stand up by yourself. There is no one there to share with you. This place is lonely and it is desolate. You will not find an ally and your only comfort will be your inner voice of defiance. Difference, even in a world of difference, is threatening. It is repulsive to some. It is contemptible to others.

Sometimes you have to stand up by yourself. It is here where my soul is. This is the essence of me. Repugnant to some, yes. Derisive to others, yes. Inspiring and true to the one, the only one, my inner voice.

Sometimes you have to stand up by yourself. It is here that you will find yourself. The child, the man, the human in all your simplicity. A puzzle to no one. No illusions, no misunderstandings.

Sometimes you have to stand up by yourself. You don’t belong on the “Wrong Planet” and you don’t belong on a Hub. You don’t belong to the masses and you don’t belong to the Group. You stand-alone and you take a stand by yourself. You’re neither High nor Low. You are who you are. A man taking a stand by yourself.

Sometimes you have to stand up by yourself. Your worth should not be determined on how closely you can approximate neurotypical communication. Your worth should not be determined by how well you mimic a Savant behind a body that will not listen. No, for you, you have to stand up by yourself. Because, sometimes, you have to stand up by yourself because no one else will.

Sometimes you have to stand up by yourself. Perhaps because you come to where you are from somewhere not typical. Perhaps you started somewhere that took you somewhere you didn’t anticipate. Perhaps on your journey, there was a detour someone directed you to. Perhaps this detour revealed you are someone you didn’t know. Perhaps you can’t take back the years you lived as someone you weren’t. Though you struggled mightily, you never belonged and it took someone else to wake you up from your slumber of delusion. You knew all along but were reassured that you were someone you weren’t by those that never knew you because you hid you. You didn’t stand up by yourself for years. The signs were there all along, but you couldn’t put the pattern together, instead blaming yourself while the small voice of defiance spoke to you saying “I’m here, when will you listen”.

Sometimes you have to stand up by yourself. When you do, expect to be called a creep, a weirdo. Perhaps a clown. Even in a group that invites you. You may not fit the typical of a person “with difference”. You belong to no group. You don’t belong. You never will. You will forever be the creep and the weirdo.

Sometimes you have to stand up by yourself. This is the place for me. Alone, because it’s my life. It’s my life. I'm sorry if I squirt a little lemon juice in your eyes.